I am convinced that Muse books will sell so well, that by the end of the year all Muse authors will be billionaires. So I have come up with some New Years resolutions that can be accomplished with all that money.
First, Baseball. When I was a kid, I liked baseball, but then a tragic event occurred and I lost all interest in the sport. So I am going to remedy this by using some of those billions to buy the Los Angeles Dodgers franchise and move the team back to Brooklyn where it belongs. Then all will be well.
Second, Music. The current output of so-called music, rock and top forty, is horrible. On a drive from Florida to New York and back, there were times it was impossible to find a decent radio station. In addition, a recent study by the noted scientist Dr. Bunsen Honeydew has showed that Rock music on car radios is a leading cause of Road Rage, and something more soothing would ameliorate the problem. So I'm going to take some of those billions and buy the company (Clear Channel?) that owns all those radio stations, and change their programming. I figure I can put Classical Music on half of the stations, and nice soothing elevator music on the rest of them. Then all will be well.
Third, Ugly Cars. I mean, look at what's on the road nowadays! SUV monstrosities, squat little things, and worst of all, those big boxy ones that look like a packing crate on wheels. All with totally drab paint jobs. Back in the late fifties they really knew how to design cars. So I'm going to take some of those billions and buy a car manufacturer, and start producing cars that really look like cars. Long, low, sleek, and with tail fins. Two-tone paint jobs on most of them, with three-tone paint on the top of the line models. Oh, one other thing ... remember how the driver's and passenger's door had those nice little vent windows in front of the regular roll-down windows? Yeah, they're coming back. Then all will be well.
So there are three resolutions I can accomplish with the billions of dollars I am going to make from my Muse books. I'm sure if I have to, I can come up with more, equally practical and valuable, but for the moment three will do.
Happy New Year, everyone!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Monday, November 29, 2010
Holiday Special
For all books bought directly from the MuseItUp Bookstore, get 25% off any purchase from today until December 10th. Including, of course, my book, "The Ghost of Grover's Ridge."
Use code: HC2010D at checkout in the discount code box before going to Paypal.
From all of us at the Muse,
we want to wish you Happy Holidays!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
New Christmas Anthology (with my story in it, of course)
Whortleberry Press has just released a new Christmas Anthology, "Christmas: Peace On (All The) Earth(s)" with my story, "Peace Corps," in it. It can be gotten at http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/christmas-peace-on-%28all-the%29-earth%28s%29/9485313.
Incidentally, if you missed last year's Christmas Anthology, "Christmas in Outer Space" with my story "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Offog" in it, that is still available at http://www.lulu.com/browse/search.php?search_forum=-1&search_cat=2&show_results=topics&return_chars=200&search_keywords=&keys=&header_search=true&sitesearch=lulu.com&q=&fSearch=christmas+in+outer+space&fSearchFamily=2&fSubmitSearch.x=11&fSubmitSearch.y=8
Monday, July 19, 2010
Free Range Fairy Tales anthology
Whortleberry Press (http://whortleberrypress.com/) announced the publication of its new "Free Range Fairy Tales" anthology, including a story "Hansel and Gretel" by Muse's own SF/Fantasy author James Hartley.
Anyone who remembers the Fractured Fairy Tales on the old Bullwinkle show has a good idea what's going on. If not, well, all we can say is "These ain't your Grandfather's Fairy Tales"
Friday, July 16, 2010
How I Write a Novel (or Anything Else)
Digging through some old stuff, I found the following article. Someone asked me to do it for their 'zine, but then never used it. So I figured, what the heck, put it on here. Enjoy.
How do I write, let me count the ways ... There are a lot of
different ways to write a novel, or a short story, or anything
else. I do more short stories than novels, but the principles
are the same.
It would seem that the easiest way is the classic "start at the
beginning, go on until you come to the end, then stop." This may
work for some people, but not for me, at least not for a novel,
or even a fairly long short story. It can work OK for flash
fiction and really short short stories.
No, for longer works I have found the way that works best for
me. I write the beginning of the story, to make sure the thing
is well launched. Then I write the ending, so I know where I'm
going. And then I go back and fill in the middle. Sound strange?
Maybe it is, but it seems to work. Of course, by the time you
have the middle done, you'll have to go back and rewrite the
beginning and end. But you're going to have to do that anyway,
so don't worry about it.
Back in prehistoric times when writers used primitive tools like
quill pens or typewriters, it made sense to write a first draft
all the way through, then a second draft all the way through,
and so on. The only way to edit was to cross out mistakes with
your quill pen, then retype the whole thing. And if you were a
terrible typist like me, you might end up having to pay for
professional retyping before submitting.
Wake up, gang, we have computers and word processors now. Fixing
a typo is simple, even if you're a rotten typist. And changing
things is easy. You just decided that "Chapter 7" should go
after "Chapter 3"? Move it. You suddenly get a great idea that
goes somewhere in the middle? Put in a new chapter in the
appropriate place. Hung up on what to call the evil wizard?
Don't break your concentration trying to think of a name, call
him Zamboni (yeah, the thing on the ice rink) and keep on
writing. Later one single command will change every "Zamboni" to
"Zatarra."
I hope I don't have to tell you to save your work often. But
when you get to a significant milestone in the writing, do a
special save. If your story is in file "fledermaus.odt," save a
copy in a special "drafts" directory as
"fledermaus_draft_062508.odt." Oh, by the way, that ".odt" thing
... I use a free office suite called "OpenOffice.org" which
saves as ".odt" by default. I highly recommend it.
As you're working, stop and read through what you have already
written once in a while, picking up both errors and better ways
to say something. Maybe read it out loud, sometimes you can hear
something that grates on the ear where you wouldn't see it in
print. But please, please, please don't wait until you're done
to start revising. At least if you're using a computer; if
you're still writing on stone with a hammer and chisel I don't
know what to suggest.
I will also mention that I don't do formal outlines. You can use
chapter stubs with a sentence or two in them as sort of an
on-the-fly outline, sometimes that's helpful. Some people like
outlines, so feel free to use them if they make you comfortable.
But they are not required.
* * * *
Then of course we have to worry about "Ideas." Where do you get
them? Everywhere! Any time you think of something that might be
an idea, write it down. Put it in a file in your computer and
never, never discard it. Review your idea files periodically.
Some ideas will never go anywhere, but some will ... and you
never know which is which.
I looked back in my notes file and found a line that read "A
girl named 'Ontario Higgins'." Where the heck did that come
from? I have no idea, and I may never use it. Or maybe I will, I
have this vague feeling that she's a starship captain.
Taking another look back, I found a short entry about a girl
with black hair and a white forelock, in a white jogging suit.
Yeah, I remember that one. The jogging suit vanished, the girl
became a vampire, and the story was published as "Bloodbank
Encounter." So keep all those ideas!
* * * *
You have to market your stories. You'll never sell anything
that's sitting in your desk drawer. When a market rejects a
story (and believe me, they will!) you should immediately send
that market another story, and send that story to another
market. Keep them out there, circulating. And always look for
the chance to submit to a higher paying market where possible.
But, never pay a reading fee! I just ignore any market that
charges a reading fee. That goes for contests, too. I will only
enter contests that do not charge an entry fee. The idea is that
you want them to pay money to you, not have you pay money to
them.
And one more thing, don't send snail-mail submissions unless the
market is a top-paying one, like five cents a word or better
(Analog, Asimov's, ...). It just isn't worth the cost of a
snail-mail submission to a market that pays a half cent a word,
or copies, or exposure.
* * * *
So there you go, gang, that's how I do it. If you're just
starting, you might want to follow some of these suggestions. If
you've been at it for a while, you may still find some helpful
tips. Now get out there, boot up your word processor, and get
busy writing.
How do I write, let me count the ways ... There are a lot of
different ways to write a novel, or a short story, or anything
else. I do more short stories than novels, but the principles
are the same.
It would seem that the easiest way is the classic "start at the
beginning, go on until you come to the end, then stop." This may
work for some people, but not for me, at least not for a novel,
or even a fairly long short story. It can work OK for flash
fiction and really short short stories.
No, for longer works I have found the way that works best for
me. I write the beginning of the story, to make sure the thing
is well launched. Then I write the ending, so I know where I'm
going. And then I go back and fill in the middle. Sound strange?
Maybe it is, but it seems to work. Of course, by the time you
have the middle done, you'll have to go back and rewrite the
beginning and end. But you're going to have to do that anyway,
so don't worry about it.
Back in prehistoric times when writers used primitive tools like
quill pens or typewriters, it made sense to write a first draft
all the way through, then a second draft all the way through,
and so on. The only way to edit was to cross out mistakes with
your quill pen, then retype the whole thing. And if you were a
terrible typist like me, you might end up having to pay for
professional retyping before submitting.
Wake up, gang, we have computers and word processors now. Fixing
a typo is simple, even if you're a rotten typist. And changing
things is easy. You just decided that "Chapter 7" should go
after "Chapter 3"? Move it. You suddenly get a great idea that
goes somewhere in the middle? Put in a new chapter in the
appropriate place. Hung up on what to call the evil wizard?
Don't break your concentration trying to think of a name, call
him Zamboni (yeah, the thing on the ice rink) and keep on
writing. Later one single command will change every "Zamboni" to
"Zatarra."
I hope I don't have to tell you to save your work often. But
when you get to a significant milestone in the writing, do a
special save. If your story is in file "fledermaus.odt," save a
copy in a special "drafts" directory as
"fledermaus_draft_062508.odt." Oh, by the way, that ".odt" thing
... I use a free office suite called "OpenOffice.org" which
saves as ".odt" by default. I highly recommend it.
As you're working, stop and read through what you have already
written once in a while, picking up both errors and better ways
to say something. Maybe read it out loud, sometimes you can hear
something that grates on the ear where you wouldn't see it in
print. But please, please, please don't wait until you're done
to start revising. At least if you're using a computer; if
you're still writing on stone with a hammer and chisel I don't
know what to suggest.
I will also mention that I don't do formal outlines. You can use
chapter stubs with a sentence or two in them as sort of an
on-the-fly outline, sometimes that's helpful. Some people like
outlines, so feel free to use them if they make you comfortable.
But they are not required.
* * * *
Then of course we have to worry about "Ideas." Where do you get
them? Everywhere! Any time you think of something that might be
an idea, write it down. Put it in a file in your computer and
never, never discard it. Review your idea files periodically.
Some ideas will never go anywhere, but some will ... and you
never know which is which.
I looked back in my notes file and found a line that read "A
girl named 'Ontario Higgins'." Where the heck did that come
from? I have no idea, and I may never use it. Or maybe I will, I
have this vague feeling that she's a starship captain.
Taking another look back, I found a short entry about a girl
with black hair and a white forelock, in a white jogging suit.
Yeah, I remember that one. The jogging suit vanished, the girl
became a vampire, and the story was published as "Bloodbank
Encounter." So keep all those ideas!
* * * *
You have to market your stories. You'll never sell anything
that's sitting in your desk drawer. When a market rejects a
story (and believe me, they will!) you should immediately send
that market another story, and send that story to another
market. Keep them out there, circulating. And always look for
the chance to submit to a higher paying market where possible.
But, never pay a reading fee! I just ignore any market that
charges a reading fee. That goes for contests, too. I will only
enter contests that do not charge an entry fee. The idea is that
you want them to pay money to you, not have you pay money to
them.
And one more thing, don't send snail-mail submissions unless the
market is a top-paying one, like five cents a word or better
(Analog, Asimov's, ...). It just isn't worth the cost of a
snail-mail submission to a market that pays a half cent a word,
or copies, or exposure.
* * * *
So there you go, gang, that's how I do it. If you're just
starting, you might want to follow some of these suggestions. If
you've been at it for a while, you may still find some helpful
tips. Now get out there, boot up your word processor, and get
busy writing.
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